I'm so excited I get to go on a women's Reiki retreat sleepover tonight! It's put on my members of my church. This is the first time I've been away from home and family since my son was born ten years ago! Yea! Independence day!

Monday we leave to return home for Christmas. I'm so excited about that too! we'll be going to the Rockies almost as soon as arriving. SNOW! Yea!

I am SOOO pissed off!

I went to the optometrist today to pick up my glasses. My contacts are not yet in. We had to pay a  grand total of fourhundred sixteen as insurance only paid for two twenty. Freaking out over the cost as much more than was expected, I phoned my husband who gave me complete shit. I said, "what am I supposed to do, go around blind?"

He reviewd our policy and wanted to know a complete break down of what we were paying for, which of course I couldn't give him because the receipt they give you is so damn confusing. I took the policy to the dr. office, had them break it down and explain where the expenses were. So of course because I needed both glasses and contacts, due to a huge change in my perscription, the insurance company would not pay for both, plus the fitting fee for the contacts is not covered by insurance. She gave me the complete break down, which I relayed through email to my husband. He suggested we purchase the glasses this year and the contacts next year and that it would save us a whole bunch of money. I phoned the office, asked if this was possible, was told that she'd have to check and get back to me. Sometime later as I had not heard back, I phoned again and was told that they hadn't had time to get to it and they'd call me after lunch. (Not only that I feel like the glasses aren't quite the right perscription, not seeing well at a distance, and was told that I should wait about three days to see if I adjust to them.)

Ok, husband later called me, giving me heck for prepaying... like that's so unusual.... then asked for the phone number of the Dr. Ok, if there is nothing more that pisses me off than being treated like an imbicile who can't handle it myself and has to have her husband handle it for her. I hate it that he doesn't think I'm competent enough to handle things myself. REALLY pisses me off. I hate it. It's so insulting.

So, what did we end up doing? They applied my contacts to next year, I pick them up in January, this means that my insurance for an exam has already been used up for next year and what did we save? A whopping grand total of 36 dollars! Whoopie! Three trips back and forth probably cost me that much in gas.

I got a headache.

So busy all the time. There just always seems to be something going on.

I'm so disappointed, I was supposed to be going to a women's retreat on Nov 30 / Dec1 and doing a sweat lodge. Now the government wants us to come in for interviews and finger prints and the whole bit for the permanent residency on the first. Dec. first is a saturday. What kind of Government employee works on a Saturday? Anyway, now I can't go. This would have been the first time in ten years that I would actually have had an over night trip on my own. The first time since my son was born. Figures.

We went to the Ren Fest on Sat. Had a great time. I wore my belly dance costume.  Mom thought it was great and we all had a blast. We'll be going again on Saturday without the kids this time. Mom's babysitting. Boy that's nice. It's so hard being so far away and not having grandma's close by to help baby sit every once in a while.

I took mom to old town spring today. Had lunch with Yvonne and Olimpia. It was so nice to see them and be together again. I think it was kind of an eye opener for mom to hear our esoteric discussions about healing, the fae etc. etc. I had a healing touch session with Yvonne. It was great. Hopefully it will help my throat to heal up nice and clean.

Her gallery is looking great. Boy I'd love to get back at the painting. It's been so long since I've been free to just paint and paint. I really want to work more on that one for dad that I started so long ago.

I didn't go to choir tonight. I just still feel like my voice isn't quite ready for singing yet. Maybe after Thanksgiving.

I'm meeting with my son's teachers tomorrow. Not really looking forward to that. He's been slacking off and his grades are starting to suffer. I gave him a good talking to yesterday, hopefully he will pull up his socks.

Time for bed, I'm exhausted

Well, here I am. Been a long time since I posted. I had to have some surgery on my neck... nothing too serious. I had a parathyroid removed. So as a result I'm housebound and haven't been able to do much so I thought I'd check in here.

Reading back through my old posts I can't help thinking to myself how much things have changed, and yet how they stay the same. Seasons come and seasons go, the kids get bigger, my littlest is in school now and I have the house to myself during the day. Not that it's been restful mind you, at least not since I flooded the bathroom and bedroom and as a result needed to renovate. (Part of the parathyroid problem is memory loss... go figure.)

Since my neck is feeling a little better, I'm going to try and finish the touch ups on the baseboards today. If it starts to pain me too much I'll have to stop, but we'll see. It doesn't feel as swollen today either.

Something else that's new. We got a new puppy. We've wanted a Golden Retriever for a long time. We finally found one. She's adorable, but loads of work. Needless to say I'm getting teased about getting my youngest off to school then go and getting myself a new baby.

I'm still with the Sisters of Avalon and loving it. First online group I've really connected with for a looong time. The work we do is challenging, and adds a whole new dimension to the pagan way of life. I really think it's for me. It really fosters spiritual growth and helps you to find spiritual direction. Helping me to become closer to who I really am, to strip away the layers and layers of masks and personas built up over the years. Thank heavens I am not working yet. I really do need this time to rediscover myself.

As for working... who knows when the permanent residency stuff will be finished. Oh well. Do I really want to teach anyway? I hate the idea of teaching down here. I hate the school system. I hold my dream of owning and running my own bookstore coffeeshop close to my heart. That's who I really am. If I am to truly live an authentic life that's what I'd be doing.

Well, who's to say I can't  "put that out there". I could start investigating what it would mean to try and put a business together. Build my dream slowly.

I even have a name for it "That Little Bohemian Bookstore".

Well, I'm going to check my email, finish my coffee and start working in the  bedroom. It'd be so nice to have it done.

Brightest Blessings

Miria

About three weeks ago I got into some poison ivy. I tried every home remedy in my library. I found a few things that worked to dispell the itchiness for a time, but nothing actually worked to prevent the spreading. Eventually I went to the dr. and got a shot and some pills. Now days after those are gone, it still flares up! It's driving me nuts not to  mention how ugly it is.

Never in my life have I encountered anything so insidious as this stuff! For days I couldn't even hug my children, afraid I'd spread it to them. God forbid my daughter should ever get it. All hell woudl break loose. She can't even stand a mosquito bite!

I'm working on a new painting. I'm trying out using a painting knife and doing it impasto. Not sure if it's a technique that suits me, but it's nice to try something different. It's a painting of Lake Louise with the poppies in the forground. Such a beautiful scene, I just have to capture it.

I'm still so excited about joining the Sisterhood of Avalon. The orientation seems to be going so slowly. I just wanna jump in there and "do stuff". Eager beaver that I am. Oh well, just take it slow I suppose.

The day is so beautiful. I did my yoga workout out on the deck. The smell of the mock orange fragrant on the breeze, and I have so many flowers bloomin in the garden now. None of the wildflower seeds I planted in the spring came up though. Not sure what's up with that. It's been so nice and breezy, the wind chimes are lovely and it keeps the humidity down.

Goddess, life has been so busy lately. I feel like I just need time to "be". I'll be glad when summer  holidays start and the kids are off. It'll be nice to chill out at the pools, read, study, and paint. Really, right now that's all I want to do with my life. Actually... I wish I was a cat. Besides the yucky food, I think cats have it pretty good.

Wow.  It's been a long time since I've been on here.

Once again my spiritual search has taken on a new direction. Something has shifted and changed. I wonder sometimes how many "intiations" we go through on the inner planes that we don't even realize we are going through.

Something has clicked for me. Some kind of deeper understanding that I didn't have before. It's left me calmer and looking into a deeper level of myself and my spiritual journey, and a deeper realization that the physical plane is not the true reality. This is but a shadow of reality. This is the dream, and the dream is the reality. I know that sounds kind of goofy, but it's the closest in words that I can come to the feeling I have in my belly. Yes, I've read the words before... Deepak Chopra, Quantum Physics etc. but for some reason I can "feel" it this time, not just know it in a cerebral sense, but in the soul.

Feeling this, and understanding it doesn't eleveate all the pain and anxieties of life, but it makes it easier to "connect" with that great "all" and to see things from that higher point of view. It doesn't erase regret, but takes the sting out of a little bit. I feel I am in a better place than I have been for a long time.

I've joined a new online group, a school of study "The Sisterhood of Avalon". I am looking forward to learning with this group and deepening my connection with a sisterhood, with myself, and with spirit.

Blessings

Miria

Sometimes no matter how many sheilds we build around ourselves to protect ourselves emotionally, there are just some things that shoot like arrows straight through the armor. Today is one of those days for me. I'm strongly empathic, I have a difficult time reading the news and today I saw the story of the poor mother who came into her house to find her child had been beheaded by her own father.

As a parent of two, and a little girl the same age as this baby, I can't help but grieve for this child and her mother, not to mention all the people connected with this child's life. I just can't help putting myself in this mother's place, and I cry for them. I've been crying for them all morning. I can't help looking at, touching, holding and smelling my own little girl and thinking that this poor woman will no longer have that child to hold in her own arms. I look at my own daughter and think what a delightful, wonderful peice of joy and miracle she is, and I just cannot understand who could possible want to do what this man had done to his own little miracle of life.

"Today, mommy is having a sad day", I tell my own little girl as I cry and cry and try to explain without frightening her why I am so upset.

I light my candles, and cry some more. I pray to the Goddess to help us all to be kind to our loved ones, treat them with love and gentleness, and to remember how blessed we are that they are in our lives. To bring comfort to other children who suffer at the hands of their caregivers, the ones we never hear about, who live their lives in fear and pain. PLease God, Goddess, Lord, Lady, bless the human race with peace in our hearts so that we may bring agony of this kind to an end, for truly the souls of those who commit these acts of violence against the innocent and defenceless,  must suffer in agony.

Sigh. I really think the only thing I'm going to be good for today is hugging and holding my kids.

Well, it's been a real long time since I posted here. Things just get so busy. Christmas was nice. My mom came to visit and things were busy but happy. That's such a nice change. Usually I hate Christmas. Family politics, high stress etc. etc. etc. and more etc. that I won't even get into here.

I've been really busy with the church. I helped Mary out with the Yule service and that went really well. I enjoyed helping out with that. I really feel though like I need more pagan oriented stuff in my life. Perhaps there are enough of us at Northwoods now that we can start another "Earth based spirituality group".  I think I'll talk more with Mary about that tonight and see what she thinks.

I sang on Christmas eve again this year. It went ok. Not nearly as well as I know I can do. I'm just sooo not used to sining with a mike. It makes me very self concsious. I really think if I'm going to do any more solos I've got to practice that some more.

New Years eve we spent at home. Celebrated with the kids with some fireworks and some noisemakers. New Years day we went to Mary and Terry's and had a great time. Sigh. It's so great to just have some adult time. Sometimes I get so tired of being a stay at home mom. Yet, there are those times that I wouldn't want to do anything else either.

My projects are going well... well, about as well as can be expected considering I really don't have time to work on them. The jewelry making is great. I've added chain mail jewelry and it's just beautiful and I love doing it.

My painting has been at a stand still since Katie went back to school. I just don'thave a good chunk of time to just sit down and paint. I really have so many great ideas and I know Yvonne would love more of my work in the gallery. Craig gave me a nice new art set for christmas that's motivating me. Mom loved the painting I did for her and even took another one with her.

I'm so worried about her. Her health really isn't good at all. I'm so upset with her actually that she's let herself get into this kind of shape. I read her tarot for her and I was actually somewhat scared to see what I'd find in there. Nothing that was a big surprise, but certainly she needs a lifestyle change and I hope she heard that. It's so important to take good care of yourself.

Speaking of which, I need to start running and working out again. I know I should get back into the weights. Especially now that my calcium level isn't right. (I see an endocrinologist about that in February.) Probably means I need a parathyroid removed. It certainly explains some of my tiredness and achiness anyway. Ah well, not much use worrying until I  know for sure what's going on.

Choir tonight. Looking forward to it.

Blessings in the new year.

Miria

The kids are all playing out in the back yard in the 102 deg. heat. (I must be getting acclimatized because I hardly feel it anymore.) Who needs the expense and trouble of a built in pool when they can have so much fun with a 20 dollar blow up poot and a hose? Sigh at least it gives me a bit of a sanity break. God they've been driving me insane. I took them shopping at Wal de mart after swimming lesson. I thought my head was going to start spinning around. We took Connor off his adhd meds for the summer so he's just a wired crazy puppy. At least he's eating better and actually gaining some weight. The doctor keeps reassuring us that his low weight isn't related to the meds, but I know we've seen a huge difference in his eating patterns.

I got the second Laurell K Hamilton book in the fairy series from the library yesterday. Not sure how I feel about those, I think I like the slayer ones better. I like more story and less gratuitous sex.

I'm really enjoying the classes at the College of the Mists. The tarot is excellent. He starts you off with doing readings right away. It puts the cards into context rather than simply trying to memorize a bunch of meanings. I've been doing Tarot for a while now, but I think if I was a beginner I'd be learning more from his method than any other book or course I've done.

The on line full moon ritual the other night was good too. Not quite the same as meeting with SoftheM but it's certainly going to help to fill the empty space.